Life as you (Blank) It
by Serotonin2501
Summary: When Marty Deeks woke up he had no idea what the day had in store for him. Now as one door opens to infinite posibilities Deeks has to search for what his life means to him. After all, Life is all about how you (Blank) it
1. Prologue

**LIFE AS YOU (BLANK) IT**

* * *

 **PROLOGUE**

 _LA Mercy General Hospital_

"Male, Mid 30s. 3 gunshot wounds in the upper thoracic region and the abdominal area. Pulse is weak but steady, BP dropping." The Paramedic barked out as the Doctors ran to meet them pushing the gurney.

"Have 5 liters of O Neg ready, Stat. Is OR 2 prepped?" The Doctor said to one of the nurses.

"Ready and waiting." The nurse replied.

"Good because we have to get him into surgery right now. Anyone come with him?" The Doctor asked.

"His partners were still at the scene." The paramedic replied.

"Find his Next of Kin and contact them." The Doctor said to one of the other nurses.

* * *

 _Beach_

Deeks opened his eyes to find himself standing on the beach. Squinting his eyes against the brightness he looked around and found it was deserted. But what was even stranger was all the doors. Door after door scattered all along the beach.

"Uh…ok." He said out loud as he looked around. Off in the horizon he saw a figure walking toward him. Deeks couldn't believe his eyes. Other than his clothes being completely white he looked exactly like he did all those years ago, when the last time he saw him he was dying of a knife wound on the floor of a hospital room.

"Hello, Sahib. It's been a long time." Thapa said, giving him a smile


	2. Part 1: See

**LIFE AS YOU (BLANK) IT**

* * *

 **SEE**

"This has got to be some kind of joke. I really should lay off the beer and pizza before bed." Deeks said.

"I assure you that I am quite real. I may not be who you think I am, Sahib, but I am real." Thapa said.

"Then who are you?" Deeks asked, "And where am I?" He looked around.

"This is a crossroads of your life. Here is where you get to make your choice." Thapa waved at the doors along the beach.

"What choice?" Deeks asked.

"You are dying, Sahib. You do not have much time left. I am here as your guide." Thapa replied.

"Wait, dying?" Deeks said.

"Yes, dying. And if you want to live you will have to fight for it. But I am here to offer you views on what your life would have been or could be. Come I will show you." Thapa waved him as they walked along the beach. The doors started to open and multiple people started to walk out. People Deeks knew. Callen and Joelle, Sam, Nell, even Granger all wandered the beach, watching Deeks as they passed.

"Here is your first door, Sahib. Your life right now." He opened the door and they stepped through into the Mission.

"My life is my job?" Deeks asked.

"Not just your job, Sahib. Don't you remember what I told you years ago?" Thapa said, an annoyance in his voice.

Just then a large sound of footsteps came pounding down as Callen and Sam walked into the main room. Kensi, visibly upset, followed behind. As if right on queue another set of footsteps came as Nell ran down from Ops, Eric following behind her, and almost bowled Kensi over.

Hetty and Granger met with the group.

"I just got off the phone with the Hospital. Mr. Deeks is in surgery and the preliminary look is not good. But they are working as fast as they can to stabilize him." Hetty reported. Sam hung his head, giving a silent prayer to whatever God would listen.

"What now?" Sam asked.

"Now is the time that Detective Deeks needs to be surrounded by his family. I don't want any of you to set foot back in here for the rest of today and tomorrow if need be." Hetty said.

"Wait, your benching us?" Callen said, an annoyed, shocked look on his face.

"Agent Bartlet's team will take over. I would rather have the B team working on this case then a majorly distracted A team, Agent Callen." Granger said.

"You expect us to just drop this?" Kensi finally spoke.

"No, I expect you to be where you all need to be. With Deeks. It's where you belong." Granger said.

"Wow, never thought I would ever hear those words come out of Granger's mouth." Deeks said.

"He may have a hardened exterior but deep down is a whole different animal, Sahib." Thapa said.

"He's right. Come on." Callen said, silently thanking Granger with a nod.

Nell and Eric looked to Hetty and Granger, who gave them a nod to go with.

"Come, Sahib." Thapa said as he followed them out the door into a bright light.

He found himself back in the waiting room. Callen stood pacing back and forth; Sam sat with his arm around Kensi who was struggling against the tears flowing; and Eric trying to distract himself and Nell, who had her arms wrapped around his, with something on his phone.

"You have always felt alone, Sahib. Months on end of undercover work for the LAPD, alienating your fellow officers you learned to hide in your shell like a turtle. Afraid to let people see the real you." Thapa said.

"Less getting hurt that way." Deeks said.

"Maybe so, but you effect people more than you think." Thapa said as he nodded toward the door, seeing Nate and Rose walk in.

"Nate!" Kensi said, a shocked look on her face as she jumped up.

"Hey. I was hoping to surprise you guys. Wish it was under better terms" Nate said as he gave Kensi a hug.

"I'm glad you are here." Kensi said as she let go of Nate and hugged Rose.

"Thanks." She whispered to Rose.

"Anything for you and Marty." Rose whispered back.

"This, Sahib, this is your family." Thapa reminded him.

"Daddy!" A unfamiliar voice rang our as a young girl ran into the room followed by a pair of women.

"Kam?" Sam asked as he scooped his daughter into his arms.

"Is Uncle Marty going to be ok?" She asked.

"I hope so, Princess." Sam said as he hugged his daughter and set her down.

He looked at Michelle and Joelle and before he could say anything Michelle answered.

"Hetty called us, told us what happened." She said.

Sam pulled Michelle into a kiss. "He will be happy to know you are both here." Sam said, hugging Joelle. Callen pulled Joelle into a hug and held her, obviously shaken as he whispered "Thanks" to her.

"You touch so many people that it leaves a mark. Even in the last possible place you think." Thapa said, as almost on queue a man that none of them are familiar with, but Deeks recognized immediately, stepped in and walked up to the group.

"Excuse me. Is Special Agent Kensi Blye here?" The man asked.

"Yea, that's me." Kensi said as she turned to the man. "Who are you?" She asked.

The man extended his hand. "Lieutenant Roger Bates, LAPD. I'm Deeks' commanding officer." Bates introduced himself.

"Bates?" Deeks said, looking at Thapa, who only nodded.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, finally." Kensi said, taking his hand and shaking it.

"I'm sure both of us wish this was under better circumstances, Agent Blye." Bates said.

"Please, just call me Kensi." She asked.

"I wanted you to know that if you need anything you let me know. Both officially and unofficially. That goes for the rest of you." Bates said, looking to Sam and Callen.

"We appreciate it, Lieutenant ." Sam said, shaking Bates' hand.

"Marty is a pain in the ass but he is good at what he does. There isn't anyone else like him out there." Bates said.

"You don't know the half of it." Callen said.

Bates turned and left as the rest of the group settled in to wait.

"This way, there is more to show you." Thapa said as he walked into an elevator, Deeks following behind him.

The door opened, against in a large flash of light, as they stepped off into an unfamiliar hallway.

"How is it going, McGee?" A familiar voice came out.

"Almost got the wireless signal frequency. Once we nail that down that can help us determine where this came from." A male voice came out as Thapa stepped in to the Lab.

"Major Mas Spec is chugging away." Abby reported, typing a bit at her computer. She reached over to her phone and shot off a quick text.

"Who are you texting?" McGee asked her, looking over at her.

"Just Eric, we were talking earlier this morning but now he has gone silent." She said.

"Maybe he just got busy. You try Nell?" McGee asked her.

"Yea, same thing. No one is answering me." Abby said.

"Doesn't sound like them at all." McGee said.

Her phone dinged this time.

"Oh, finally." She said as he flicked the screen. Her entire body froze up and she dropped her phone onto the table.

"Abbs? What's wrong?" McGee asked as Abby almost tackled him, wrapping her arms around his neck as the tears started to fall onto his shoulder. McGee, softly rubbing circles in her back, reached over and grabbed her phone.

 _Hey, havn't heard from you or Nell in awhile, everything ok?_

 _No, it's not. Deeks was shot. We are at the hospital, doesn't look good._

McGee set the phone down and tried to calm Abby down.

"Even on the other side of the country you have people who you touched." Thapa said.

"I'm sorry, Abby. I never wanted to make you cry." Deeks whispered to her before looking at McGee. Knowing if anyone could bring her comfort it was him, Deeks turned and followed Thapa out.

* * *

 **This story is based off a combination of a Christmas Carol and the episode Life Through His Eyes from NCIS (Which was a phenomenal episode BTW). Originally this was suppose to be an Episode for Tales from the Mission but the more and more I planned the story the more I realized this had to be a stand alone.**

 **Thank you for Reading, Reviewing, Favoriting, and Following**


	3. Part 2: Want

**LIFE AS YOU (BLANK) IT**

* * *

 **WANT**

They returned to the beach, which was more and more packed with people walking around. Deeks saw people like Jim Versey, Ray, and even Sapphire all watching him as they walked past.

"So were to next on our Christmas Carol?" Deeks said.

"I told you, Sahib. It's your choice." Thapa said as they walked.

Deeks stopped at a door that looked like the doors to Ops.

"What about this one?" He asked.

"Be careful with this one." Thapa said.

"Why?" Deeks asked him, with a raised eyebrow.

"Because this door will show you what you want your life to be." Thapa explained.

"Why is that a bad thing?" Deeks said.

"Because want and will be are two separate things, Sahib. Just because you witness things here doesn't mean they will come true." Thapa warned with a grim expression.

"That doesn't sound too bad." Deeks said. Just as he was about to step through he noticed Thapa stayed behind.

"You aren't coming?" Deeks asked.

"I cannot follow you, Sahib. But someone else will guide you." Thapa said.

Deeks shrugged and walked through the doors into a bright flash of light.

"About time you showed up. Always late, even to your own future, eh Deeks?"A familiar voice called out to him. Deeks turned around to see who spoke to him.

"Jess?" Deeks was dumbfounded.

"In the flesh…sorta." The woman gave him a smile.

"God, I've missed you." Deeks said.

"I've missed you, too." She said.

"Where are we?" Deeks said as he looked at the house they were standing in front of. It was a fairly large house that Deeks didn't recognize though he knew the area. This was prime beach real estate and probably was not cheap.

"A friend's." Jess said as they walked up the path and she opened the door. The living room was decked out in Christmas decorations and a large tree was set up in the corner.

"Hurry up! They will be here shortly!" A voice rang out from the kitchen.

"Coming!"A male voice responded as Callen came down the stairs.

"Why did we get stuck hosting Christmas?" Callen asked.

"Because you insisted that Sam and Michelle host Thanksgiving, and Nell and Eric hosted the 4th." Joelle poked him with the tongs she was using to make breakfast.

"Next year we are getting a low key holiday." Callen said as he kissed her. "You got everything?" He asked her.

"I'm good. Everything should be ready by the time they all arrive." She said.

Right on queue the doorbell rang. Callen walked over and opened it. Nell and Eric stepped in with their 2 year old daughter.

"Hey, you three." Callen said as he hugged Nell and Eric.

"And how is my little Munchkin?" Callen said as he rubbed noses with Rachel, causing her to giggle.

"She has been off the wall since last night." Nell said, sighing.

"I'm sure she will tire herself out today." Callen replied as Joelle greeted them.

"I've got the gifts in the car." Eric said as he handed Rachel off to Nell.

Callen went out with him to help unload the gifts right as another car pulled up.

Sam climbed out, following by Michelle, Kamrian, and to everyone's surprise Aiden.

"Go on inside. Joelle is finishing up breakfast" Callen said as Michelle and Kamrian walked toward the house, Sam and Aiden unloading their own gifts.

"Next time, you're hosting Christmas." Callen said to Sam as they walked up to the house.

"I won the drawing fair and square." Sam said, grinning at Callen.

"I still said you cheated." Callen replied.

"There were 4 slips in the hat. Anyone of us could have drawn it." Eric replied.

"Eric, not helping." Callen said, causing Sam to laugh.

They finished setting the gifts by the tree as Nell sat with Kamrian who was playing with Rachel. Eric brought over coffee for Nell and himself as Sam and Aiden helped get the table ready. Soon Nate and Rose arrived, brining their own set of gifts.

"Whole gang is here." Deeks smiled.

"Not everyone." Jess said right as the door rang. Callen opened it to see Kensi and Deeks. Kensi was leading their son while Deeks carried presents and Monty's leash.

"Come on in." Callen said as he helped Deeks with some of the presents.

"I hope you don't mind that we brought Monty." Deeks said.

Callen gave him an eyebrow.

"Vet doesn't think he has got much time left. I wanted to have one last Christmas with him before we let him go." Deeks said, in a low voice.

"He's family, Deeks. Of course we don't mind." Callen said, clapping Deeks on the shoulder.

Rachel, seeing Monty, squealed and ran up.

"Be careful, Rachel. Remember what we do with the doggy?" Nell remined her.

"Gentle pet the doggy." Rachel said, softly petting Monty.

"Good girl." Eric smiled.

"If this is how he goes out, Im happy with it." Deeks said to Jess.

"You two have had a long run together." Jess said as one last car pulled up.

Granger got out of the car and went to the passenger side. He opened the door and held his hand out as Hetty climbed out. Stabilizing herself with her cane she walked up the path.

"Never thought I would ever see her that frail." Deeks said.

"She hid it well for many years before it became too much and she had to retire from NCIS." Jess said as Callen pushed the door open.

Donald and Rachel both became excited when they saw Hetty.

"Come on. There will be plenty of time to play with Grandma. It's time to eat." Kensi said as she herded the little ones into the kitchen to the large dining table.

A few hours later the gifts were open and everyone settled in to their own little world. Eric had dozed off with Rachel sleeping on his chest. Nell couldn't resist snapping a few photos of it as Sam and Callen cleaned up and Deeks was reading a book to Donald that Eric and Nell gave him.

"Marty?" He heard Kensi call out to him.

Deeks looked up from the book. "Yea Kensalina?" He asked.

"I need to tell you something." She said.

Deeks set Donald down and stood up, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"What's up?" He asked her.

"I have another Christmas gift for you." She said as she took his hands and placed them on her stomach.

"You're going to be a father again." She said in a low voice.

Both Deeks' eyes grew wide as the future one finally spoke.

"Again? But the damage after Donald?" He said, stuttering.

"I don't know how? But somehow, by some miracle." Kensi said, a tear welling in her eye and a huge smile on her face.

Deeks grabbed her around the waist again and spun her around, laughing as Kensi protested. He set her down and planted a huge kiss on her lips.

"Mommy? Why is Daddy yelling?" Donald's voice came out as he tugged on her pant leg.

"Because, Little Man," Deeks said as he scooped up Donald into his arms, "You are about to become the Big man of the house. You are going to be a big brother" He said.

Jess pulled on Deeks arm to follow him down the hallway and through a door.

When the light faded he found himself at the LAPD Precinct

They walked along the bullpen to a familiar office. The name plate however was not.

Jess opened the door to see Marty sitting at the desk reviewing a few files when there was a knock.

"Lieutenant? There is a Mrs. Jones from NCIS on the line for you." The young woman answered.

"Thanks, Jane." Deeks reached over and punched a few buttons on his phone. Soon on his computer screen the image of Nell popped up.

"Velma, my favorite Operations Manager. What can this lowly LAPD Lieutenant do for you?" Deeks said with a smile.

"Oh, can it, Shaggy. There is nothing lowly about you." Nell said with a smile.

"You wound me." Deeks said.

"I just wanted to thank you for your help with that Cartel op. The undercover work of your squad was a huge help." Nell said.

"Anything for you guys, Nell." Deeks smiled.

"You guys on for dinner this weekend?" She asked him.

"Depends on if you are still speaking to your Nerd after he left for a 3 letter agency." Deeks said.

"You and I both knew that Eric couldn't work here with me being Operations Manager. Now he is the Operations Director for the entire West Coast Operations for the FBI. I'd say he did very well for himself." Nell said.

"Got me there. Yea we are still on. Just let me know what time." Deek said.

"Roger that, Shaggy." Nell replied.

There was another knock and the woman returned.

"Sorry to interrupt, but Captain Bates wants to see you" She said.

"Tell him I'll be there in a few." Deeks said.

Jane nodded and left.

"Duty calls." Deeks said to Nell.

"See you this weekend." Nell said with a smile.

"Tootles" Deeks said as he closed the connection. Gathering up the files he was reviewing he left his office to go see Bates.

"After a scare and Kensi's pregnancy you both decide it's time for a change. Thankfully it timed perfectly that Bates got promoted to Captain and his first choice was you to take his place. You still retain Liaison duties but you are not out in the field any more. You miss it at times but now you have a wife and son to come home to every day so you feel it's worth it" Jess fills in the gaps.

"If this is what my life comes to, I can be happy with that." Deeks said.

"Time to go back, Deeks." Jess said as they walked down the hallway.

"See you around, Jess." Deeks said, a tear in his eye.

"Sometime, Deeks. Sometime" She said as Deeks went through the door and returned to the Beach.

"Welcome back, Sahib." Thapa was there.

"I think I've seen enough. I've seen what my life can become." Deeks said.

"It doesn't work that way, my friend. That was what you want your life to be. There is one more door you must go through." Thapa said. He started walking down the beach, stopping at the door to the shooting range.

"This is the door of what your life could be." Thapa said.

"This shouldn't be too hard." Deeks said.

"Be warned, Sahib. Things you see in here will be most troubling. And what is worse some could come to pass. It is all up to you." Thapa warned as Deeks entered.

He was in a large dark room that sent chills up his spine. He knew this place. The one place he never wanted to return to.

"So, you have arrived" A familiar Russian voice said.

Deeks turned. "You son of a bitch!" He spat.

"Please, Detective. You were the one who chose this form for me" The man replied as he stepped into the light.

"Siderov is the last person I would ever want to see." Deeks replied.

* * *

 **Thank you to the umpeen million people who pointed out that Bates and Kensi have met before. I didn't have time to watch the episode so I'm claiming creative license. Also the name of the NCIS episode was Life Before His Eyes.**

 **Origionally I wanted Thapa to guide him through the whole thing but a lot of people were wanting to see a reunion with Traynor so I thought it would be fitting. Plus it would give me something to end of a tense note with reintroducing Siderov (Which Tim Murphy is fast becoming a favorite of mine. NCIS: LA, Sons of Anarchy, Bastard Executioner, the list goes on).**

 **Thank you for Reading, Reviewing, Favoriting, and Following.**


	4. Part 3: Fear

**FEAR**

* * *

"Of all the demons of my past, you are the one I had to pick?" Deeks said, his hands shaking.

"This is all your doing, not mine." Siderov told him, waving to the garage.

Deeks struggled to breathe being back here. Memories flashed through his head of Siderov's goon setting the jaw spreader, then taking the drill to his mouth. Deeks subconsciously rubbed his jaw. He wasn't able to eat regular food for 2 months after that.

"I guess I should be thankful we ended your sorry ass that day." Deeks said.

"Don't act all high and mighty. You may have survived and killed me but things never were the same for you since. You're only consolation should be it could have been worse." Siderov said.

Deeks went rigid. "How? How could this have been any worse?" He yelled out.

Siderov waved his hand around the room and Deeks was back in the middle of getting his jaw drilled. His screams echoed through the garage as Sam struggled to fight out of his bonds.

The goon stopped the drill, letting Deeks try to catch his breath in the middle of the blood and tears flowing down his face.

"One last time, Detective. Is Quinn an Agent?" Siderov asked, pulling Deeks head back by the hair.

Deeks, barely able to keep his eyes open because of the pain, could only sob as he nodded his head.

"There, see how easy that was?" Siderov said as he flashed a look at Sam. Sam's eyes went wide as he struggled to fight more. Siderov opened the door and stepped inside as Sam started yelling out at him.

"It seems your friend is a weak link after all. I have what I need. Time to tidy up." Siderov said.

Deeks tried to yell out, which was impossible due to the spreader in his mouth, as Siderov pulled out his gun, placed the barrel right between Sam's eyes, and pulled the trigger. Red splattered all over the paint booth as Deeks struggled against his bonds, crying at watching his teammate get killed right in front of him.

"We are leaving. Find Quinn and bring her to me." Siderov said as his man started packing up.

"What about him?" The man nodded to Deeks.

"Leave him. He is nothing now." Siderov said. They left Deeks strapped in the chair for what seemed like hours before Kensi and Granger finally found him.

"Deeks!" Kensi screamed as she ran over to him. Deeks, barely conscious due to blood loss, was only able to mumble a few words as Kensi removed the spreader. He couldn't take his eyes off the paint booth and when Kensi followed his eyes she found out why. She gasped, covering her mouth as sobs started to escape. Granger ran around the corner and his face went blank.

"Need an Ambulance here ASAP. Deeks is hurt, bad. Sam is gone." Granger reported.

"Gone? As in he's missing?" Eric asked over the Coms.

"No, God Damnit. Gone as in he has a bullet hole in his head! Get the EMTs here now!" Granger yelled out. They could hear Nell's voice in the background as Hetty consoled her.

"I would have escaped, Iran would have had functional nuclear weapons, and your team would have never been the same. Michelle's body would have never been found and their kids would go into foster care." Siderov explained as the images of everyone faded out.

"No one would ever trust you because you gave them up. You slowly slip away until one day the pain is too much for you…." Siderov narrated as Deeks shut his eyes against the tears.

"No….no!" Deeks yelled out as a gunshot went off in his head.

"So you eat your gun 3 months later." Siderov finished.

"I hate you, so much." Deeks whispered.

"I have nothing to do with this. This is all in your head." Siderov reminded him.

"If this is all in my head why don't I just stop fighting?" Deeks yelled out, frustrated.

Siderov gave him a sick smile that make Deeks shudder. "I'd thought you never ask."

He stepped out the door and they found themselves in the waiting room.

"Back here?" Deeks asked.

A doctor came out from the hallway and walked up to the group sitting around.

"You are here for Marty Deeks?" He asked them.

When they heard his name they all shot up.

"Yes, that's us." Callen replied.

The Doctor sighed. "There was too much blood loss. We tried everything we could but it was too late. I'm sorry." The doctor said.

The faces on everyone changed as the news set in. Sam turned around and grabbed the back of a chair, gripping it so hard it almost broke. Michelle rubbing circles on his back as she tried to console him. Callen ran his hands through his hair, trying to fight back against the emotions that swirled around him. Nell turned to Eric and buried herself in his shirt, tears falling off her face as Eric laid his head on hers. Kensi couldn't breathe as she felt an arm grab her. She was surprised when the arm turned out to be attached to Owen Granger of all people. Owen wrapped his arms around her as Kensi cried into his shoulder.

Hetty took the doctor aside to arrange things with him as the team stood devastated how that a huge piece was missing.

"What happens to all of them after I'm gone?" Deeks asked. He asked about everyone but they both knew he wanted to see what happened with Kensi.

Siderov led him through the doors that lead to the hallway. They found themselves back in the Mission.

"I can't believe you almost got us killed, Ryan!" Kensi yelled out.

"I said to wait! It wasn't cleared!" Ryan yelled back at her as she stomped off toward the armory. Callen and Sam entered after as Ryan turned around.

"This was not my fault!" He said to them as they walked up to him.

"No it wasn't. You did everything right, Ryan." Callen said, clapping him on the shoulder.

"I'll talk to her." Sam said as he went to follow Kensi.

"I know I'm the new guy here but it's been 6 months since I started here and 3 months before that since Marty was killed. I took this job because Marty had been a good friend when I was a Uni. But I can't keep doing this. I'm not Marty and I don't want to be. But I am part of this team and I need to be treated as such." Ryan explained to Callen.

"I know. We'll get through this. Just give her a little more time." Callen said.

"I don't think time is what she needs, Callen." Ryan said. He turned and walked toward the stairs.

"I'm going to go check with Eric." He said as he climbed and entered Ops.

"Did you get anything, Eric?" Ryan asked as he walked up to Eric.

"Uh, yea. Got footage of the men fleeing the scene after you guys went in. LAPD is tracking them down." Eric said, his voice devoid of his usual cheer.

"Anything from the Hard Drives we recovered, Jessie?" He turned to the man sitting at the other computer.

"I just broke encryption and going through the data now. Slow going though." He said.

"Ok. Keep us up to date." Ryan said as he left.

"Where is Nell?" Deeks asked.

"She transferred to DC because she couldn't handle being here after you were gone. Eric would have convinced her to stay if you had been here to encourage him to tell her how he felt." Siderov explained.

"No. This can't be how it ends. I refuse to accept that!" Deeks said as he ran down the hallway. Going through Door after door which just left him back in the same halway.

"Damn it! Let me out!" Deeks yelled out. He tried to return the way he came but was still stuck in the hallway.

"I want out!" He yelled out again, pounding the wall. He looked up at the door facing across from him and flashed back to earlier that morning.

 _"Why are you bringing me into the burn room, Kensalina? I thought this was the Wonder Twin's makeout spot?" Deeks said as Kensi closed the door._

 _"I wanted to talk to you before we go." Kensi said, her face showing that she was dead serious._

 _Deeks picked up on it and his features softened._

 _"What's on your mind?" He asked her._

 _She walked up to him with her arms crossed._

 _"I have a really bad feeling about today, Deeks. Before we go I want you to promise me that you will be safe." She said, her eyes glistened in the light above._

 _Deeks wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him, protectively cupping her head with his hand as he kissed her neck._

 _"Always Kensi, I always be safe so I can come home to you." He whispered as he pulled her away from him and kissed her._

"That's it" He said as he pushed the door to the burn room open and found himself back on the beach.

"You've returned." Thapa was there to greet him.

"I need to go. I need to wake up. This isn't funny anymore!" He said, trying to catch his breath.

"Leaving is simple. You just need to find the right door, Sahib." Thapa said, waving his hand to the multitude of doors on the beach.

"You have got to be kidding me." He said. "Which one is it?"

"I do not know. This is your head we are in." Thapa said.

Deeks rubbed his face and looked out over the beach when he noticed doors starting to dissolve in the sand.

"You had better hurry, Shaib. You do not have much time left.

 _BPs dropping!_

"No! No!" Deeks yelled as he ran down the beach, looking at door after door.

"I will see you soon, Sahib. Good luck" Thapa called after him

 _He's in AFIB!_

 _Charge AED!_

Deeks frantically looked around. "God Damnit! Which Door!" He yelled out as door after door disappeared

 _Clear!_

 _No pulse_

 _Again!_

 _Clear!_

 _Come on, Detective! Clear!_

Deeks finally stopped running, trying to catch his breath when he noticed one door. It was the door he always looked forward to opening.

"That's got to be it!" He yelled out as he ran to it.

Kensi

It was Kensi's door.

Not waiting he threw the door open and ran into the blackness

 _We have a pulse!_

 _Vitals stabilizing_

 _Ok. Let's close him up. Someone was watching out for you, Detective._

"I'm so tired. I think I'll catch a nap now" Deeks said to the blackness as he felt himself drift away

* * *

 **I wanted to go real dark with this part but trust me. Everything will workout for the best in the final part**

 **Thank you for Reading, Reviewing, Favoriting, and Following.**


	5. Part 4: Know

**KNOW**

* * *

The team shot to attention when the nurse called for the family of Marty Deeks.

"Yea that is us." Callen replied as they all gathered around.

"This is Doctor Robertson. He is the one who operated on Detective Deeks." The nurse introduced.

"Mr Deeks will be fine. It was touch and go there for a while. He crashed on the table 3 times but we were able to revive him. We repaired the damage to his lung and intestines and he still has a long road ahead of him. But he is out of the danger zone now" The doctor explained.

Everyone let out a huge sigh of relief. Sam wrapped his arm around Kensi, squeezing her gently.

"He is currently in recover and will need to be in the ICU for a day or two so unfortunately that means no visitors. But once he is moved to a room then that will change." The doctor finished.

"Thank you, Doctor" Callen replied.

"I think we should all go home and get some rest. There is little else we can do here." Hetty said.

"Hetty…" Kensi started to say.

"Please don't argue with me, Miss Blye. Detective Deeks is not going anywhere. And if there are any changes you will be the first person I call." Hetty said.

"Come on, Kensi. Let's go get some food and we can hang out for as long as you need." Nell said, gently taking her arm. Nell looked over at Eric who nodded.

* * *

 _3 days later_

Deeks slowly opened his eyes, adjusting to the light. Groaning his moved his head and saw her sitting in the chair next to his bed.

"If I didn't know any better I thought you would be here to take me to the afterlife." He said in a weak voice.

"My sole concern is to keep you in the land of the living, Mr Deeks." Hetty said.

"I swear I'm not trying to make a habit of it." Deeks said.

"Hazards of the job." Hetty said.

"Should I call Kensi?" Hetty said, fishing her phone out of her bag.

"No, not yet." Deeks said. The look on Hetty's face was clear that was not the answer she was expecting.

"There is someone else I need to talk to first. Is Nate around?" Deeks asked.

Hetty nodded and dialed.

"Mr Getz. You are requested at LA Mercy General." She said

* * *

 _An hour later_

The door to the room opened and Nate stepped inside.

"Thanks for coming." Deeks said.

"Anytime." Nate replied.

"You can call the others. I'll be ready to talk to them after I talk to Nate." Deeks said to Hetty, who nodded as she left the room.

"Sounds like you have a lot on your mind." Nate said as he sat down.

"You ever have a near death experience?" Deeks asked him.

"Once, in Dubai. Don't ask." Nate said.

"You're life flash before your eyes?" Deeks continued.

"Images mainly. Did you have an experience like that?" Nate asked.

"I had a lot more than that." Deeks said.

Nate folded his hands together. "I'm not on a clock." He said, leaning back and letting Deeks tell the story

* * *

 _Later_

"What do you think it means, Doc?" Deeks asked as he finished.

"You obviously went through a traumatic experience. Once where your subconscious started asking itself what would happen if you died and now you are trying to piece it all together." Nate said.

"Where do I even begin?" Deeks asked.

"Start by looking at those closest to you. What do they mean to you?" Nate said.

"Everything." Deeks said.

"Then I think it's time you tell them that." Nate said.

"Easier said than done." Deeks replied.

"Just take it in small steps. Do it in pieces, but make sure you do it." Nate said.

"I'll give it a shot." Deeks said.

"Who is up first?" Nate said.

"Send in the Wonder Twins." Deeks said.

Nate nodded and stepped out into the hallway.

"He wants to see everyone a little at a time. Eric, Nell. You are up first." Nate said.

They nodded and entered the room.

"Hey Shaggy." Nell said in a low voice as she sat down.

"Hey Velma. Sorry to give you guys a scare." Deeks said.

"We are just glad you are ok." Eric said.

"Yea, me too." Deeks said, giving a weak smile.

"Nate said you wanted talk to us about something." Nell said.

Deeks nodded. "I hope you two don't mind but I'm going to interfere in your personal lives for a bit. But I do it because I care. It's no secret you two have feelings for each other. In fact the only people who don't see it is the two of you. You need to take the chance with each other. No one will think less of you if you two decide to hook up. In fact we are all rooting for you. You two are made for each other." He said.

Nell looked up at Eric who was looking down at her.

"He's right." Nell said placing a hand on Eric's

"Yea." Eric said, softly running his thumb over hers.

"You two know Ricci's Pizza on Rodeo?" Deeks said.

"Yea." Eric said.

"Go there and tell them you are a friend of Jason Wyler. They will hook you up." Deeks said.

"Thanks, Deeks." Nell said. Squeezing his hand.

"Go, you two. I've kept you long enough." Deeks said, waiving them out.

The new hour was spent talking with Sam and Michelle about how much their support after Siderov meant. Sam and Michelle tried to pass it off as payback for saving them but Deeks still explained how much it meant to have him feel like family to them. Then he spent some time with Callen talking about how similar they are with their upbringing. Deeks talked about how he looked up to Callen as a leader and a friend. He reminded Callen that he needed to learn to let people in at times.

As Callen left the room he stepped up to Kensi.

"Your turn." He said, patting her on the shoulder as he left.

Kensi walked inside the room and her body tensed up seeing him on the bed.

"I'm still here, Kens." He said.

"But you almost weren't" She said, crossing her arms over her stomach and sitting down.

"You aren't getting rid of me that easy, Fern." Deeks said. He patted the bed next to him.

"Please. I need to hold you." He whispered to her.

Wiping a tear from her eye she stood up and slowly laid down on the bed, his arm draped around her.

"You were right, this morning, in the burn room." He said.

"Fat lot of good it did." She said.

"You should listen to that voice more often." He said.

She just sighed in response.

"Marry me, Kensi." Deeks said, not even as a question.

"What?" She asked. She lifted her head and looked into his eyes. They showed that he was serious.

"Marry me." He repeated.

She couldn't help but laugh.

"Is that the best you can do?" She said.

"Let me get out of his hospital and I'll do it right. But I can't wait any longer to ask you." He said.

"Of course I'll marry you." She said as she kissed him gently.

"Good. Because I would have felt really stupid had you said no." He said as he laid his head back down, eyelids starting to grow heavy.

"Go to sleep. I'll be right here." She whispered as he fell asleep, Kensi never taking her eyes off of him

* * *

 **So I failed to explain the title. There was a show called Life as you Know it but the logo scrolled through different words in place of the word Know so that is what served the inspiration for the title.**

 **Thank you for Reading, Reviewing, Favoriting, and Following**

 **It feels weird to actually be finishing a story for once. If you haven't already check out my other One Shot** **writings. All the details are on my Profile**


	6. Epilogue: Love

**LOVE (Epilogue)**

* * *

 _8 months later_

 _Millennium Biltmore Hotel Ballroom_

Kensi took a sip from her glass before setting it down and turning to face Deeks, her hand in his as he softly ran a thumb over hers, ghosting over the ring on her finger.

"Never thought we would make it to the day, princess." He said.

"Oh come on. I was not that bad." Kensi said as she rolled her eyes at him.

He shook his head. "Nope, no episode of Bridezillas for you." Deeks said with a smile.

She returned his smile as she leaned in and kissed him gently.

"I'm so happy you are here." She whispered to him.

"Me too. Don't know what I would have done had I missed this." He returned.

They both flashed back to his near death experience what felt like an eternity ago.

They looked out over the reception, smiling as they watched Callen, Joelle, Sam, and Michelle converse over at their table, laughing at some story Callen is telling about Sam. Nate and Rose were talking with Hetty, and out on the dance floor, singing along with Bing Crosby, was Eric serenading Nell as they danced.

"So, how long do you think it's going to be before we are right back here for those two?" Kensi asked, nodding toward Eric and Nell.

"I'd say give it a few months." Deeks replied.

"I guess all they needed was a nudge in the right direction." Kensi commented as she gently elbowed Deeks.

"I plead the 5th." Deeks laughed.

Their eyes fell on Nate and Rose.

"Next project?" Deeks said.

"Next project." Kensi replied, squeezing his hand.

"I love you, Kensi Deeks." Deeks said, cuping her cheek and kissing her

"I love you too, Marty Deeks." She replied, stroking his cheek

* * *

 **Ok, So I lied. NOW the story is over. I felt like I left everyone hanging with the last piece so decided to type out a quick ending.**

 **Thank you for Reading, Reviewing, Favoriteing, and Following**

 **Please check out my Profile for my other writings. I update the Profile fairly frequently so check it often for new projects.**


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